Not a Metaphor
by And By Apples I Mean Bullets
Summary: It had been a month. The longest month of my life. It had been a month since I lost the love-of-my-life. It had been a month since Hazel Grace died. {First TFIOS story. Please pay no attention to the title, since it only kind of means that. Hope you enjoy![Rated T for one word]}


**Enjoy**

* * *

Looking down at the tombstone of the love-of-your-life breaks your heart every second of every day. You would think the pain would stop after a while.

No. Not stop, but at least swell down.

Well... it didn't.

It had been a month since _it_ happened, and all I can think about is Amsterdam.

All I can think about is what could have been.

What _should _have been.

I hadn't seen Issac in a week. I haven't spoke to my parents in two, and I haven't left the house in three. It didn't help that I was getting better, it is actually more painful then having the cancer. This is my ten.

"Sweetie, do you want to go outside?" A voice asked.

It wasn't until I turned around that I realized it was my mother. She looked different... older. She had bags under her eyes, probably because of stress.

"No, mom. I don't want to go outside. I want to stay in here and die."

"Oh, hon-"

"No!" Now I couldn't see, because of the tears. "Mom, I want to die. I want to stop living. It hurts so much."

I felt her warm arms around me a second later.

"I know. I know, but we love you, and your father and I want you to know that. It will stop hurting soon, I promise."

"Yea, I know. I think I'm going to go out for a while, Okay?"

My mom gave a smile that I could tell was fake, but replied anyway.

"Okay, Gus."

* * *

By the time I had gotten into the car, 13 minutes had passed.

Actually, 43200 minutes and 26 seconds had pass since my life had ended.

* * *

It had been 4 days after my pre-funeral. I got the call at 4'o clock. It was her dad, he sounded like he was crying.

_"Hello, Hazel Grace. Why do I have the honor of hearing your beautiful voice?"_

_"Gus?" Okay, not Hazel Grace._

_"Oh, sorry. I though you were- are you crying? "_

_Oh no. no no no no..._

_"I'm so sorry, Gus. She was asleep, and they said it probably didn't hurt too much."_

_No! No... no._

_"The funeral is this Sunday. We'll... We'll call you later for more details."_

_I didn't say anything for a long time. So long that my mom came in at one point_

_Mom: "Gus, diner's rea- Gus, are you alright?"_

_Me: "Mom, she's gone. She's gone. My Hazel Grace is gone."_

_Mom: "Oh God, Augustus. I'm so sorry."_

_Me: "What am I going to do? I have nothing to live for. "_

_That was the hardest I had every cried. My mom had brought my diner to my room. I didn't eat any of it._

Three days later, one day before the funeral, my mom came rushing in. She was crying. Not Oh-God-The-Tumors-Are-Getting-Bigger tears.

No, these tears were of joy.

_Mom: "Gus, guess what?"_

_Me: "What?"_

_Mom; "The tumors are shrinking. You're getting better."_

The day after that, I put my death suit on and we went to the funeral.

Issac gave a eulogy. It was cute. He talked about how she went to see him after his surgery, and what a good friend she was. Her friend, Kaitlyn, also gave one. She talked about Hazel Grace before the cancer. How Hazel and her were always together. It was... boring. Not like the eulogy Hazel Grace gave me. Then they called me up.

_"Hazel Grace... was the most fantastic, beautiful, intelligent, and funnest person I have every met. The first time I saw her, I couldn't stop staring at her, and when she finally notice, she decided it was going t be a contest. I, of course, lost. Then after Support Group, I convinced her to go to my house and we watched V for Vendetta, and she told me to read the most amazing book. She wished to meet the author of that book, but she used her wist on Disney instead. So, I used my wish on her. I- Well... I guess Genies toke us to Amsterdam and it was there I realized I loved her. Those three days were the greatest of my life and I wouldn't give them up for the world. I wouldn't give any moment I had with Hazel Grace, even the bad ones, up for the world, and I know I will never have too. The author that we went to see was not who we wanted him to be, but he did say one thing that defined our love: Some Infinities are bigger then other Infinities. And I know that Hazel's and mine is one of the bigger Infinities. It always will be. Okay, Hazel Grace?"_

I don't think anyone beside Issac understood the last part, but this wasn't a eulogy for them, it was for Hazel Grace. My Hazel Grace.

When I looked up from the scratch paper that I had written the eulogy on, I saw him.

He had a light gray tux and a green tie on. He smiled at me as I glared. I sat next to my parents after and wanted longingly for the funeral to end. As soon as it did I went to my car. After sitting there for several minutes crying, I looked to my right and saw Van Houten next to me.

_Me: "What? What do you want?"_

_Van Houten: "I want to give you my condolences"_

_Me: "Well, I don't want your condolences or your pity or what ever the fuck you can give that has anything to do with emotions"_

_Van Houten: "I know... I know what is like to loose some one."_

_Me: "Who? Who did you loose?"_

_Van Houten: "My daughter, Anna. Leukemia."_

_Me: "I'm sorry."_

_Van Houten: "Me, too."_

He had gotten out of my car and walked away.

* * *

Now, sitting once again in my car. My metaphor in between my teeth. My physical health getting better as my mental health gets worse.

I could go to Issac's, but I feel I should see some one else.

The drive to the cemetery was abut 10 to 15 minutes, depending if you toke the overpass. Then once at the cemetery, you had to drive to the back. Then once in the back, you had to turn left. Then once you turned left, Hazel Grace's tombstone was clearly visible.

_Hazel Grace Lancaster_

_Beloved Daughter and Friend_

_1996-2013_

Such horrible words to describe my Hazel Grace. She was so much more. She _is _so much more.

"Hello, Hazel Grace. How have you been?"

I wasn't expecting a voice to answer, and one didn't.

"My tumors are still shrinking. I miss you. I miss you so much."

I grabbed out a new metaphor from the pack and held it in my hand.

"Hazel Grace, promise me you won't hate me for doing this. Okay?"

I didn't wait for a nonexistent answer, I toke out a lighter and lit the cigarette.

"Okay."

* * *

**The End.**

**I'm a horrible person, right?**

**So... I won't make this AN too long but will bring up main facts/updates.**

**This was inspired by a Tumblr post I saw and if it seems like I'm coping anybody's fanfic... I'm sorry.**

**Disclaimer: I am not John Green. You want proof, okay. I'm a girl, I'm 13, I'm not famous, and I have never written a book. So, I'm not John Green, nor do I own TFIOS.**

**Updates: None, no updates... Still have to write my RENT story and haven't finished RvB one-shot. I suck.**

**Well, I hope you enjoyed this one-shot and hope you have a great day/week/year.**

**I'll see you later, Random Crafters! **


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